some more bests

Best reason to be forced to delete your blog: you write something mean-spirited about a local mime, he Googles his own name and finds it and then enlists an arsenal of fellow puppet masters and “performers” and they begin a series of personal attacks and harassment. Rather than deal with the futility of fending them off, you just delete the whole thing and start over under an unrecognizable pseudonym.

Best question asked in a job interview: “On a scale of 1 to 10, how clean are you?”

Best way to ensure that you’ll have a shitty day: Take the Montreal Metro to work. Sit next to a woman with Tourette’s. Wait for the train to break down and sit motionless for at least 10 minutes. (Hopefully you’re wearing your down parka and boots because there’s hot recirculated air being pumped from a vent in the ceiling of the car.) Then inhale as several of your fellow riders proceed to gorge themselves on Sausage McMuffins.

Best cookie ever created: Girl Scout Samoas

Best thing a guy has ever said to you in the middle of the night when you wake up with a stomach ache: “Do you have to take a crap?”