Wednesday, December 24, 2008

a holiday exchange

here is an email thread between friends recalling stories from our favorite time of year.

From: Friend1 []
Sent: Thursday, December 01, 2005 2:24 PM
To: Friend2
Subject: RE: pork stuffing Original Message

By the way, here's what you said about last year's Christmas party("Classic Sack" -your comeback record):

"we've got our office party today. southern comfort and egg nog. nog gobbler. did we have an egg nog joke in boston? we had a dimebag joke too right?who is dimebag darrell?
i'm gonna get hammered in the hour long party we have. just start drinking soco from the bottle. then i'll take the angel off the tree and hold a lighter up to it. then i'll stumble backwards into the tree and knock it over falling on top of it. then, clumsily i'll get up without saying a word, hit the elevator button and leave sobbing quietly".

From: Friend2
To: Friend1 ">>
Subject: RE: pork stuffing
Date: Thu, 1 Dec 2005 14:29:39 -0500

oh man, that's funny shit. and yes "classic sack" is totally my greatest hits album. who the fuck is dimebag darrell? i especially like the lighting the angel on fire part. this year i'll try to swallow it while it's on fire and just burn the shit out of my mouth. then i'll try and cool it down with soco, only to cause it to hurt worse. transcribing shit is the worst. i tried to do that for about 5 mintues and gave up. do you have an office party? i can't wait to hear what you plan on doing at it.
deck my balls, d

From: Friend1 []
Sent: Thursday, December 01, 2005 2:39 PM
To: Friend2
Subject: RE: pork stuffing

Dimebag Darrell is that guy from Pantera who was gunned down on stage by one of his "fans." It happened last year around Christmas and the only reason I remember that is because I was joking about it at Christmas and my brother got all serious and said, "Dude, that's not funny," and everyone in the oom got really quiet. And then we all burst out laughing simultaneously. I have not one but THREE Christmas parties to go to! The big one is the all-HBS party. I'm going to get hammered on cheap chardonay and then get up and start performing fellatio on one of the ice swans. Then I'm going to walk down the long buffet table and just start kicking each plate off in succession. Then I'll jump up, do a flip in the air on my way to the ground, fall, sprain my ankle and have to be carried out. But not before dry humping the dean. So my friend's birthday is this weekend and this is where we're all meetingup: I'm really, really scared.

From: "Friend2"
To: Friend1 >>
Subject: RE: pork stuffing
Date: Thu, 1 Dec 2005 14:45:12 -0500
holy shit that's hilarious. both the party description and the bar. you're
totally gonna be in a picture like the one on the home page with a bunch of drunk ass blonde whores. all coked up and pounding the fuck out of apple martinis. the ankle sprain is classic. when you dry hump the dean you also need to pretend like you think he's an ice sculpture and start trying to give him head. be all "hey everyone! watch me suck the dick off this frigid piece of ice! it's awesome!"


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